Rainy Daze

I love rainy days. They make the world pause and look for a minute. I think rain speaks a metaphor of reflection to my soul. I always want to wrap up in a blanket on my couch and read or write. I tend to keep my life pretty fast-paced. My phone is my lifeline and it keeps me going, going, going. Even when I forget to put something in my calendar, I use it to text Amanda to find out what I'm supposed to be doing. Rainy days make me forget my phone upstairs and not even know it's missing.

My phone was on silent for most of the day yesterday. I attended a beautiful memorial for my good friend Erin's Oma. I aspire to touch people the way Oma did in this life. I went to the Temple afterwards and watched the Joseph Smith video. They have an exhibit of beautiful paintings of scenes from the Book of Mormon. I was alone in the room, so I even got to sit down and read for a few minutes. Moments like that make life so much easier to handle. I ran errands, got dressed, and played mexican train dominos with my friend family, plus a new friend.

This morning I'm laying on my couch, wrapped in a blanket, looking out the window, and writing. It's lovely.

Ridiculous!

It was a GORGEOUS Arizona day. I woke up early today and hiked the Wind Caves at Usery with my little sister and brother. It was beautiful. I felt so good and since we went slower today than last weekend, I didn't even get winded. Last weekend I didn't get to explore or anything at the top. This morning we walked around and checked out the wind caves. There were chipmunks running around. My balance still isn't the best, but I had so much energy! I was singing and dancing around.

After I napped and took a shower, I spent some time planning my part of Bishop's 5th Sunday lesson time. It was such a nice, relaxing, and peaceful day. Then, Kelsey and Akiva brought me a Vegas Roll from Sakai when they came over to check out the kind of pictures I needed for Yesteryear. I got to use my sushi set for the first time. After they left I went to Emily Waldie's. She was having a party, and since she's in a completely different ward than me, it was really fun to meet some new people. Lydia met me there and I had a good time hanging out with her.

Now that it is 1:30 and I should be going to bed. I have a ridiculous amount of energy! I feel SO good! I spent the last 30 minutes dancing around my bedroom getting ready for bed. Today was perfect.

P.S. I am also ridiculously happy.

Wind Cave

Chipmunks

In case you were wondering, Phoenix is <-- way.

Amazing view

At the bottom of the mountain.

We are one good-looking family!

My View From Up Here

I love hiking. I always have. The best memories I have of spending time as a whole family, including my dad, were hiking as a kid. We went all over the valley and always stopped on our way home from Woodruff to hike up north. It's been years since I've physically been able to hike. 110 pounds ago it would take me forever to hike a trail. I still did it every once and awhile, but I couldn't go with my friends because it wouldn't be fun for them to have to go so slow and rest so much.

Yesterday I went to Usery with Angela, Shawn, and Kevin. I was really nervous because physically I feel the best I have ever felt, but I know my body has limitations that I don't fully understand. It was kind of a test for me.

Obviously losing weight makes you feel better and be able to do more. By the time that I had gotten down to a weight were I could feel a lot better, I got MS. I feel like I never got to feel the physical benefits of losing weight. March I was a little off. April was weird. May was exhausting. June was horrible. July was beyond horrible. August was very bad. September was bad. October, November, and December made me forget what normal was. During those months I changed my definition of what a good day was. I honestly forgot what feeling good felt like. Halfway through January the fog of MS lifted. Now that my MS symptoms are almost completely gone, I get to feel the benefits of the weight loss too. I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It's pretty wonderful.

Close to the top I started to feel tired and my balance just went out the window. I fell twice. I looked like a drunk person staggering around. I knew my body well enough to know it was time to stop. Luckily we were very close to the top. Physically I felt fine. My muscles felt good and my chest/lungs felt good too. I had that humming, nerves-are-not-firing-exactly-correctly feeling, though and my balance was definitely off. I was a little scared about making my way down. We rested for a few minutes and started down. I was careful and held on to rocks when I needed too, and by the time I got to the more solid part of the path, Angela and I were both skipping.

Two weeks ago I would have been in trouble. I would have had to be extremely cautious and careful to get down and I would have had a meltdown at the bottom of the mountain. I probably wouldn't have been able to drive myself home. I started to get upset when I first started feeling off, but I made Shawn talk to me to distract me from thinking about it. Angela entertained me all of the way down. I rested at the top and that was enough to keep going.

The part that still scares me is the uncertainty. I feel better physically now than I ever have. I want to do more hiking, running, dancing, playing... I feel like I never know when or how I will hit my limit, but I know that I'm not going to live in fear of my limits. As long as I have my supportive friends and family members around me, I will keep playing the balancing act of respecting and pushing my limits. My view is that normal will be whatever I accept.

♥

I may be the happiest girl you've ever met. Just thought I would let you know.

Clean Sheets Lead to Spiritual Enlightenment

Clean sheets are one of the best things in the world. There is nothing like climbing into soft, fragrant, crisp, silky sheets at the end of a long day. I would describe the experience as blissful. You would think, since I'm so fond of clean sheets, I would change my sheets more than every other week. I don't because it's hard work! I have to strip the bed, wash the mattress pad and comforter, dry the mattress pad and comforter, put the mattress pad on, then the fitted sheet, then tuck the top sheet in just right, then I put my down blanket on, then my comforter, then I have to put both pillows back in the freshly laundered shams, the regular pillows in the new sheets, make sure the bed skirt is hanging nicely, and place the decorative pillows just right. I pretty much need a nap when I'm done.

Today I feel that wonderful clean sheet feeling magnified 100 times. I am just feeling nice and clean in all areas of my life.

• Clean home- I'm lucky to have such a nice clean roommate. She pretty much never complains about my crazy OCD'ness. She does all of the chores I hate (taking the trash out and emptying the dishwasher) all the time before I even realize they need to be done. She even respects my weird, set-in-my-way, eccentric habits (no dishes on the right side of the sink, dish soap under the sink, comfy blankets folded up and put in their spot... basically, a place for everything and everything in it's place!). In exchange, I always clean the downstairs bathroom (she hates cleaning bathrooms) and I try to keep my OCD'ness in check. Today she got up and cleaned the kitchen. I cleaned the living/dining room and the bathroom. Our house smells so good and clean. It always amazes me what a difference it makes when the couch if vacuumed. I love feeling so good in my home. It makes me so relaxed and comfortable in my own skin when everything is in order in my home. Amanda rocks at helping it stay that way all of the time.

• Clean bedroom and bathroom- Since I am the only one who ever sees my bedroom and bathroom, they do not stay quite as clean as the rest of our house. I have a really bad habit about using half of my bed as a closet. I am totally a "my side of the bed" sleeper whether anyone is in my bed or not. The other half is just empty all of the time, so it doesn't bother me at all to have my clean laundry piled over there. Did I mention I hate putting my laundry away? I was on such a role today that I folded and hung all of my laundry, organized my closet, and found a place for my new Christmas stuff. Bonus: I get to walk around with my huge, good headphones, ipod tucked into my sports bra, listening to really loud music. Double bonus: I did so much cleaning I didn't have to go to the gym today!

• Clean Mind- Anyone who knows me well knows I can't have hidden messes. You can open any closet or drawer in my house or classroom and it will sing the hallelujah chorus. If there is anything disorganized or messy, it will be right out on the table, counter, couch, or desk. I really don't know why I'm like that, but it makes me manic to have a mess somewhere that I can't keep an eye on. It makes my ADD go into hyper drive. I can't seem to concentrate on anything. When everything is put in it's place, I am calmer, relaxed, and my thoughts are clearer. Weird, huh? When my head is clear, my destructive thoughts turn into productive thoughts. I become a service oriented person.

• Clean Hands- Everyone knows that idle hands are the devil's playground. :-) Seriously though, knowing I have been productive has a snowball effect. I turn into a goal-orientated person and before I know it, I've gotten things done I've been meaning to do for months. It gives me a sense of accomplishment that reminds me of my worth and in turn reinforces my understanding of things that are not worthy of my time or energy.

• Clean Heart/Soul/Life- Cleanliness leads to order, which leads to clear thoughts, which leads to productive actions, which lead to true happiness. I have been working on cleaning my home, thoughts, and actions for awhile now. I feel like it's all kind of come together on this day I have off to remember the inspired vision of MLK. I am starting to have a vision of my life and the things I could accomplish/people I can serve with it. Now comes the hard part... believing I can and following through.

I had no idea when I woke up this morning with a yearning for clean sheets that it would turn into this "If You Give a Mouse A Cookie..." kind of experience. Life... the roller-coaster goes on.

Dancing Through Life

I have been having so much fun and feeling so great lately. I feel almost back to normal. It's kinda weird how that happened. I honestly didn't think I would ever feel this good again. I guess I better get my butt in gear now!

Highland has a Win to Lose team. We are competing against other schools in the district in a weight loss program. Everybody put in $5 and the winning team gets to split the pot. Bring it! I've been trying to eat a lot better and I have been mildly successful at it. I'm getting hardcore now and I'm menu planning and recording everything I eat.

Exercise has been a little tougher for me. I could barely get out of bed for school in the morning and I was exhausted by the time I got home. I was more successful during Christmas break, but unfortunately I don't think sleeping in and getting to the gym about noon is a lifestyle I will be able to live any time soon. I'm ready to get back into daily exercise. Exercise makes me feel so good and my Neurologist said I can push myself every other day. The in between days I can do weight training or walking. The more I exercise the more energy I will have.

Now I feel like I can dance around all day long. I've missed dancing around to the music that plays in my head. I've been doing more and more for the last two days and it seems like it's not a fluke. Dancing is back in my life. Yep. I'm back, baby!

Parent Conference Week

This week has flown by. It's hard to believe tomorrow is Friday. I don't think I've ever said that about a conference week before. Usually, the hurried shortened school days, stressful parent conferences, and getting home late every night makes this week seem to drag on for-EV-er. I had a dr. appointment on Monday, Tuesday was my late night at school, I met with my bishop on Wednesday, and I had another dr. appointment today. It's been busy, but I feel like I've hardly seen my kids, I surely didn't get to talk to all of my parents, and I had time to make and eat good dinners too.

My neurologist told me my medicine takes about 3 months to start working. It's been just over 3 months and when I told him about how bad my exhaustion had been, and how it has been much less for the last week and 1/2. Then I told him how good I've been feeling emotionally since last week. He said that his patients who Copaxone tend to have a time when they are like, "Oh. It's working now." The other meds aren't like that. It was pretty funny because I hadn't realized that all of the good things had started at the same time until he kept asking me questions. It was pretty good to figure that out. I go back in 3 months. If there is still no major problems then I will have another MRI 3 months after that at the 1 year mark. I'm very happy about that because I HATE MRI's.

I can't wait to hang out with Angela tomorrow! Happy Friday everyone!