New Year Resolutions

I've always liked New Year Resolutions. It's a good time to make goals. It shouldn't be an excuse to put off things you should be doing. I've done that in the past. I am always thinking and changing the way I'm doing things and now I consider the New Year a good time to write down specific goals.

I feel like every year has a theme for me. Here is the last decade of my life.

• 2001: Life is Hopeless- I was fired from Bank One and 9/11 happened.
• 2002: Eat, Breathe, Sleep- I literally did nothing.
• 2003: Just Keep Moving/Defog- I started working for April, Shannon, and The Girls Ranch. No plan-just move.
• 2004: Set Goals!- I got serious about school and about figuring out who I wanted to be. Key Bueler year.
• 2005: Work Hard- Intern, MPS, Girls Ranch, 3 nanny jobs, and full-time ASU. I was busy. I also moved out with Emilie.
• 2006: Achieve my Goals- I went through the Temple, graduated from college, traveled overseas, and landed my dream job.
• 2007: Survive Success- My first year of teaching and being an uber active church member was new and challenging for me.
• 2008: I Don't Belong- I felt like I didn't fit in at church or with my family, and like I shouldn't fit in with the people I loved.
• 2009: Make Myself Happy- I tried anything I could to make myself happy.
• 2010: Love and Life- Basically, I found out I was wrong about both.

Keeping that in mind, here is my theme for 2011... (insert drum roll)...

2011: Happiness is a (Hard) Choice

I set 10 goals. I have a spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual, personal, relationship/social life, family, financial, career, and service goal. They are all hard-core, but that's how I roll.

One of my goals involves journaling. I consider blogging to be a form of journaling for me. I'm a linguistic person and I started this blog as a way to get my thoughts out in writing so I could figure out what they were. I need to use words to express how I'm feeling and what I want. I have two blogs. One is just for me and this one is to allow me to share my thoughts with my friends and family. It's not easy for me to do that. I don't know why it's so hard for me to do, because I have the best friends and family. All I know is that I feel like I'm keeping them in the loop when I blog.

I never intended this blog to be solely about MS. It just happened that the subject was a main topic in my life this year. Another one of my goals this year is to stop SURVIVING my life with MS and start LIVING my life with MS. I'm not sure how I'm going to go about doing that, but I will keep you updated.

I tend to get very self-conscious when I go back and read my blog posts. In fact I've erased every blog entry I've written that isn't about MS. I'm going to stop that now. If you choose to read my blog keep in mind this content advisory: I'm writing for myself. If you think I'm too boring or too crazy or just plain wrong (which would be weird because I'm always right*), stop reading my blog. When I look back at some of the things I've written, I can't believe that I felt, acted, or believed a certain way. Life is a learning experience and what is a journal if not a catalog of lessons learned?

I love life. I always have. I never have regrets and I never spend time wishing I would have done something differently. I make a lot of mistakes. Some of them are fantastically wonderful and some are fantastically disastrous. Oddly, about 50% of my mistakes are both. That's life. It's messy, unpredictable, sweet, hard, beautiful, entertaining, and it goes on whether we are ready for it or not. My goal for the last 6 years has been to live the hell out of it.

Here's to new life experiences in the new year. Cheers!

*With the exception of 3 times when I was very wrong- Once in the 80's, once in the 90's, and once in the 00's. So, sometime in the 10's I expect I might be wrong again.